Drown In the Winter Blues

I've got the blues
that creep up your spine
like when you didn't get picked
to play in school
I feel alone
like I haven't felt in a while
I guess it has to do with love
and failing at it repeatedly
doesn't help
is it me
is it them
is it us
yes all of the above
Ah but I have to count my blessings
I have a family I love
as dysfunctional as we might all be
myself included
yes the family is a snapshot of the human condition
like that time you had a grade school crush on Brenda or Tammy or....
and she met you in the school yard
only to kick you square in the nuts
life is like that
just when you think youve made it
zammm
The Gods begin the cacophony
I am grateful for the career path that I seemingly fell into
but know deeper it was part my part other
I am fortunate for this
fortunate for the house I live in and love
I think what valleys I have navigated
dark and laden with swamps and moss
entangled in the vines
crocodiles lurking in the dark
eyes peek over the surface
then submerse
I wading through the muck
always waiting for the undertow
to drag me under
me with my trusty walking stick
Only then to summit the mountain
to see for miles
miles upon a city
golden and pure
love in my heart
and trust in my fellow man
this is what led me through
a somewhat naivete
the fool
who walks off the cliff
but the fool is open to experience
a life that can be rewarding
Today a blizzard hit the East Coast
we got about 2-3'
went out and shoveled the driveway
felt nice to get the heart rate up
sweat
kids laughing in the court
falling in the snow
playing like they can't walk
I think I used to like
playing in the snow
I still do
but the initiative isn't there
I'd rather drink
and surf
and read
(however I do plan to go sledding tomorrow. so I guess Im not a complete curmudgeon)
Im reading
Ray Buckland's guide to witchcraft
the word pagan in latin, pagani means
One who dwells in the country
so I guess that makes me a pagan
even though Im a Lutheran
by birth anyway
Its interesting how the connotation
of pagan has changed from something
so simple and innocent
to a negative connotation
I truly believe that the wiccan practice
is a pure pursuit
though Im not inclined to any religion
it is one of the oldest
25000 years old or thereabout
it goes back to primitive
culture
culture that associated gods with all the elements of nature
and of the hunt
constructing animals out of clay to act out the hunt prior
to going out for hide and flesh
sympathetic religion
Cernunnos the horned one
horned gods come from this history
as a part of gods that were for the hunt
they were envisioned with horns
for fertility they were swollen bellied
swollen vaginas
swollen breast
no arms
nothing descriptive about the face
the horned one
the horny one